May 30

What can I give you when I have little to give? I am not empty but I don't have much. Can I offer you a jest when your house bursts in laughter? Can I offer you a match when your street is lined with lamps? My love is not the quilt you use on a cold night nor a color your pick to paint your fence. It's a cobblestone you step on on your brick-paved way home, but, it is mine to give.

 

HOME 

The sea calls to me 

with its luring calm 

humid air brushing my skin 

heat I'll never tame. 

They summon me all together 

longing to kiss me once more

to bronze my skin

make my eyes squint. 

Sand between my toes 

salt wrapping my body 

even my eyeballs 

can taste it.

The most melodious 

sound of the water 

can only be heard 

when I'm drowning. 

Still, I'm returning. 

because I miss the rain

 One season lingers a little longer and people start complaining. "When is this rain going to end?" "The summer's supposed to end anytime soon and it'll be a little cool again." And while these sentiments are valid, I can't help but think of the person at a party who doesn't know that the party is already over. "Why are you still here? Don't tell me you're staying the night? Everybody has gone home." People and seasons are only welcome when they follow a certain schedule or calendar or timeline. And if you stay a little longer, prepare for ominous displays of repulsion and distaste.

I never liked the summer heat, except when I'm at the beach. I was born in a coastal city so I'm used to the sea breeze, tan lines. I was only pale during the -ber months. During the rainy season, I would wait for that heavy downpour so I could go outside and shower in the rain, sometimes alone, sometimes with neighbors, didn't matter.  

Are you a frog, mama asked. Look at your clothes! 

Frogs don't wear clothes. I was born in May, somebody told me I'm a Taurus. 

No wonder you're stubborn.

I don't believe in zodiac signs. But I'm glad it's an Earth sign. 

And your grandpa calls you Midori, the color of nature. 

Mama, will this season last for 6 months or so?

I'm not sure but I'm hoping for sunny days ahead. 

Thought you didn't like hot days.

So tell me, how are you supposed to dry your clothes?

Thoughts on After Dark by Haruki Murakami

The story takes place in urban Tokyo from around midnight (11:56 pm) to early morning (6:50 am). It follows a character named Mari, a 19-year-old girl who is reading alone and spending the night at Denny's. Shortly, a new character is introduced—Takahashi, a trombone player who happened to have met Mari and her sister before this encounter. Takahashi starts up a conversation with Mari about how he knew her. They talk about Mari's older sister, Eri, a beautiful part-time model who has been sleeping for months.

As the night grows deeper, Mari crosses paths with other characters. These encounters with strangers and Takahashi change how Mari feels about her current situation, family affairs, and how she navigates her own melancholia.

If you haven't read any books written by Haruki Murakami, this is a perfect prelude to his other works and worlds. Its length is less daunting, which is around 240 to 250 pages only. It uses a first-person plural "we" perspective, which gives us, its readers, the camera position, allowing us to observe the characters through a lens.

The elements of surrealism in this book are rather soft, making After Dark an ideal first Murakami experience. It doesn't contain weird sex, a vanishing elephant, a talking monkey, or anything labyrinthine. 

Like other Murakami's works, this doesn't have a definite ending. It's the reading experience that matters. This dreamlike narrative will definitely put you in a trance and will have you thinking of the things that may happen to you and within you After Dark. 

                                                                                ***

“You know what I think?" she says. "That people's memories are maybe the fuel they burn to stay alive. Whether those memories have any actual importance or not, it doesn't matter as far as the maintenance of life is concerned. They're all just fuel. Advertising fillers in the newspaper, philosophy books, dirty pictures in a magazine, a bundle of ten-thousand-yen bills: when you feed 'em to the fire, they're all just paper.”
― Haruki Murakami, After Dark

Long Hug

 

"Long Hug"

Artist: Checksy

Yesterday, I Sat Down With My Demons

Yesterday, I sat down with my demons because Bukowski told me to do so

I served them tea, without milk.

No need to offer an apology for the scarcity 

They know very well how impoverished I am.

There were three of them at the table but 

I know there were some more.

I asked them, So what's your name? 

Oh, yes, I already know.

I am you, you are me, that's what they always say

As they continued playing cards, ignoring the tea

"You're trying to poison us." 

I said, no, that's not true. 

I lied.

They grew bigger and uglier - 

Such a fright! 

So I took out a knife from my pocket,

I wondered how it got there.

I am you, you are me, again they said

They continued playing cards and ignored the tea

Okay, don't drink it, I finally caved.

I took the cups to the kitchen sink 

but when I got back, only lingering echoes remained

Until next time, I whispered in the air.

On Min Jin Lee's PACHINKO

 

A BOOK REVIEW (Spoiler-Free) 

This book follows the story of a Korean family spanning 4 generations. Hoonie, a crippled Korean fisherman, had a daughter named Sunja, who got pregnant at an early age by a wealthy fish dealer named Koh Hansu from Osaka. However, Koh Hansu later revealed that he had a family in Japan but was still willing to keep and support Sunja and the child. She refused the offer and cut ties with him. Sunja conceived the child with the help of Baek Isak, a Christian minister who stayed in Sunja’s family boarding house. Baek Isak willingly married Sunja and promised to be a father to Noa, the child.

The couple was able to make it to Osaka and was accommodated by Baek Isak’s brother and his wife. And from there, began the life-changing journey of Sunja and the other characters in a land where they were left with no choice but to make it through each day.  

It’s a story of survival, resilience, finding a home in a foreign land where discrimination creeped in, lingered, and stung.

 

This seemingly colossal book narrates the highlights of multiple characters, which allows the readers to look at and experience different perspectives. The story’s main character is Sunja, whose values remained impeccably intact to the very last page. She could be every reader’s potential favorite, as she embodied strength as she evolved from a naïve village girl to a strong-willed woman. 

Aside from a refreshing fill of individuality from each character, the author’s writing style was this genre’s perfect match. It is rather dry and straightforward but the tone is still victorious in letting readers identify with the characters. It is apparent that this was thoroughly researched and the plot well-thought of. According to the author, Min Jin Lee, she did a lot of interviews and  tremendous study before coming up with the chronology, which is basically an intricate mosaic of stories of people she interviewed.

This novel is a treat - a whirlwind of emotions. However, towards the end, it felt a bit rushed, which I have encountered in other books too. 

In all, Pachinko is a character-driven family saga and historical fiction that documents bittersweet experiences of people who lived during the time when Japan annexed Korea. 

Do not get intimidated by the size of the book and how it’s divided into 3 parts because it’s an absolute page-turner!

Pachinko, if you’re wondering, is a slot/ pinball machine, which originated and is a famous game in Japan. This business evidently played a big part in the story as it was both their shame and holy grail.

I highly recommend it. 

Rating: 9/10

IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY: THEMES AND TAKEAWAYS

Characters (Main) 

Ko Munyeong - writer (writes children's books); anti-social

Moon Gang-tae - caregiver, spent most of his life looking after his older brother 

Moon Sang-tae - has autism; very artistic 

I'd say that this is by far the best K-drama for me, for so many reasons, some of which I might not be able to discuss here.

The series tackled several issues of human mind, and emotions that make up our life and persona as a whole. 

 

Autism

 I'd like to commend the actor who portrayed Sang-tae, Gang-tae's older brother, who was born autistic. 

Gang-tae was so pure and honest and truly talented. He was an artist and he became Ko Munyeong's book illustrator. 

He is limited, different, and charming in many ways. Even though he had a lot of struggles, his character development was something the viewers were so happy about. He evolved from a child trapped in an adult's body into a responsible adult. His character inspired me the most. 

Mental Health Issues 

This is one major reason why I like this drama so much. It gave a lot of air-time discussing some mental health issues. The audience was able to understand and empathize with the patients' situations. The series did not just focus on the 3 main characters but also on the patients of OK Psychiatric Hospital who suffered from different mental issues. 

Reconciliation with a Friend 

At first, there was tension between Nam Ju-ri and Ko Munyoung. They resented each other but if you get to know their friendship, you'll understand why they felt that way. They used to be friends until Ko Mun-young grew jealous because she didn't want Nam Ju-ri to be friends with others. 

Between  friends, confrontation is a prerequisite to reconciliation. Two must be willing to hear the other out and open one's heart.

Family Issues

The drama also had episodes where they showed different kinds of family problems - negligence, domestic violence.

A person's upbringing is a great part of who they are. The trauma that parents give their children will manifest and if the child doesn't have a strong sense of self, this trauma can damage him/ her greatly as well. 

Our children did nothing wrong. We brought them into this world and it is our responsibility to support them. 

Pursuit of Happiness 

Does it mean be after your own welfare and not really care if other people need you as long as you can chase your dreams? Shove off the obstacles along the way? Does it mean giving up your "burdens" to get going and to get to your destination faster?

Hypocrisy/ Genuineness

How could someone be sure of his words? Do we just say things because it's the right thing to say or just because those are the words the other person needs to hear at the moment? 

In this drama, "forgiveness and acceptance" was a great reverberating background. Gang-tae's decision to continue to love Ko Munyeong despite the knowledge revealed to them regarding the murder of their (brothers) mother, was easier said than done. I also asked myself if it could happen in real life. The principle behind overlooking and separating the sin and crime committed by a family member of your loved one and your stupendous love for your loved one. 

which gives way to another theme...

Separation of Mother and Child

Child is not the mother. The mother is not the child.  

Inspiration/ Aspiration

A single moment of happiness can inspire you to be the person you want to be.

Ko Munyeong wanted/ decided to become a writer not because her mom was a writer too but because her dad read to her once. She never forgot it and it was one happy memory of them together. 

Definition of Family 

Should you be blood related? Or does it mean standing by them when they need you most? 

In the series, the 3 main characters had their portrait taken as a symbol of being one family. 

You Belong to Yourself Alone 

The series reiterated that you belong to no one else but yourself. 

Parents Do not Own Their Children 

Ko Munyoung's mother was obsessed with her, her own daughter, and she was so possessive of her. She made sure she grew up like her until Ko Munyeong met Gang-tae. 

Another story was about a patient whose father forced her to give her kidney to him because he was ill. Children are not our investment. 

Real Faces

It's easy to judge a person based on what we can only see - their behavior, their appearance but we don't really know what made them that way. It's utterly essential to be kind for we would never know, maybe that small act of kindness could save a person who's almost giving up.

If ever you're planning to watch the series and you know you easily cry, please prepare tissue every episode. This series made me cry at least 16 times! 

FAMILY is a very big part of who we are. It's our foundation. If you receive the right kind of love, then that strength is something that no one can take away from you, wherever you go, whatever the situation. And if you don't have it yet, you may allow other people (may not be in your biological family tree) to teach you, show you what that is - that's how we become family with people not blood related. 

I can say that this drama has the ability to open our eyes, make us contemplate life and people more, and make us understand that it's okay to feel negative emotions and to have not so pleasant or maybe unfortunate experiences in life as long as we don't give up and not dwell in them. 

Loving yourself also means knowing your core values and honoring them. 

P.S.

Please listen to the soundtracks. 

Dear Murakami

I had the privilege to meet you 5 years ago when a friend of mine handed me her copy of Norwegian Wood. The spine of the book had folds; the pages showed some tanning, dog-eared. Giving it a shot wouldn’t hurt, I thought to myself. 

Weekend came and given the right amount of motivation and curiosity, I started reading it, unaware of the passing time. I forgot to sleep. Thanks to the soda I downed while reading. 

Apparently, people read to find answers to their questions but the moment I finished the book, it posed more questions. But in a good way. The pleasure only uncertainty and ambiguity could give. 

I had so many queries about your books that baffled me for some time but now I prefer them not answered. Maybe it’s your intention to let us, your readers, come up with our own version. Perhaps our interpretations are also based on our own realities. 

Most of my questions are rhetorical. Questions out of awe. Like how could you put into words the innermost thoughts of a person, which is a very complex living creature? The characters were realistic, if not fully. Maybe some of the qualities of your characters are extreme. Okay maybe this varies depending on the network your readers personally know. 

But one thing’s for sure: I found myself in almost every character in your books. Maybe it’s how they make their coffee, the way they quaffed their beer, the way they stammer, act dismissive, manage anxieties, muster courage and take risks. 

I became Midori, Aomame, Nakata, Fuka-eri, the cats, the toughest 15-year-old Kafka, your nameless protagonists.  

Like my friend told me the other day, you “captured her loneliness in a perfect way.” I couldn’t agree more. You made me feel we weren’t alone in our struggles. We felt understood. We became less afraid of judgment. And ultimately, you gave us a way to understand ourselves better and love the traits in us that the world didn’t care to notice. 

So I told my friend, well, Murakami is like the best thing we never knew we needed.

On Bernhard Schlink's THE READER

Wow. This book is a masterpiece. It can make you feel A LOT, even the emotions you had no inkling of. At least for me. It is a love story, a historical fiction, coming-of-age type of novel. It is a devastatingly beautiful story of two 'misfits' whose relationship was not typical and a little disturbing. Okay, perhaps, completely disturbing.
I don't have any intention to narrate the plot summary here. That is Wikipedia's job. I just want my abstract thoughts laid out.
The main character had his dilemmas, which made me ask questions like: Can you possibly choose what to feel towards a person? Is it impossible to love again with the same intensity as you did in the past? Did "the reader" feel regretful when he realized he was not responsive enough when the time demanded it?
Men can be complicated, too, by not showing enough, by not giving or saying enough. When I thought of complexity, I could picture out disorderliness, of many things. After reading this book, I've learned that complexity is not in the excessiveness of things but also in the lack of them. It is not just in the plethora of showing affection but in the dearth of it.

Will definitely reread after a few years.

On Ha Jin's IN THE POND

Done. Ha Jin is quite a storyteller. This is by far the most entertaining book I've ever read. I couldn't put it down and trust me when I say you can finish it in a day or less.
In the Pond is a satire that tells a story of a fitter, a political activist, an artist, a calligrapher, a family man, and a scholar, all in one, who fights for his rights and refuses to give way to any form of oppression.
In the thick of threatening power turned turmoil, the protagonist allows us to see what it is like to live a life filled with injustice and misery.
Despite the presence of these heavy themes, the author managed to make the story bearable to the readers by adding timely humor.

GREAT FINDS

Hello December! I'm so glad you're finally here! You know you will always be my favorite for a number of reasons. First, it's Christmas season and Christmas is my favorite holiday. It feels homey. Second, I get to eat a lot without anyone commenting on how much and how often I eat, since everyone else is doing the same thing haha. Finally, December marks the end of the year , which means I can finally use my new planner/ diary/ journal. This year, I can say I'm very proud of myself for filling every page of my planner/ diary/ journal. I've never been this consistent. I went to National Bookstore earlier today and bought a washi tape with kawaii print. Can't wait to use my new planner. 

Aaand one of the reasons why I'm blogging now is that a few days ago, I found some gems on Spotify. As you know Google (Google na lang, kasi wala namang nagbabasa nito lol), Haruki Murakami is my favorite writer. One day, I was listening to some tracks on Spotify, the usual ones ---jazz by The Jazz Hop Cafe, some Simon and Garfunkel, The Beatles. While listening to The Beatles' Norwegian Wood, I wondered if there were tracks that had something to do with Murakami. Searching for some wouldn't hurt, I thought to myself. And voila! I found these two: 

Song Title: MURAKAMI
Artist: Made in Heights

Some lines that captivated me:

It's just a story though, is it a story though?
I can't tell if it happened 'cause it felt impossible 
Don't know whether it was real or dream 
Imagination playing tricks on me 

Song Title: MURAKAMI
Artist: Jason Reeves


Some lines that captivated me:


I chased that sheep 
All the way out to Hokkaido
I couldn't find a thing
Anywhere, and I felt so alone
That I traveled back to Tokyo
To walk those neon streets 
Weaving like
That you drew in silence
While your
And Bernstein vinyl played
Listening to every mark they made


These last few days were serene. Just me enjoying the peace and quiet. I feel like I'm on an island but I get to access anything in the mainland if I want to, but most of the time choose not to. Music, coffee, books, some amicable conversations, good food. I could not ask for more.

THOUGHTS ON ANNOTATING BOOKS

Writing this at around midnight while listening to some jazz (Nighttime Ramen by Chillhop Music) on Youtube. Temperature: AC reads 25 but feels cooler.

I brewed coffee, added some milk to it and I just can't seem to put myself to sleep yet. I still feel full from having some fried sweet potatoes in butter. What a lovely snack after doing the chores.

I want to write my thoughts on annotating books. This year, I stumbled upon an article by Mortimer Adler, titled How to Mark a Book. It is from The Saturday Review of Literature, July 6, 1941. He wrote about annotating books and why we should mark our books to truly own them. Well, of course, that is if the books were purchased by you or they were given as a gift.  He also mentioned the 3 types of book owners. I really loved the article and I have shared it with some of my book-lover friends.

I didn't usually write in books. I usually kept them good as new, although I didn't develop the habit of covering them with vinyl, plastic, or paper. But this year, I made a 180-degree change by writing in the books I've read and I felt better by doing so. I made notes on new vocabularies, wrote down my immediate reactions, some sentiments I wanted to share as if talking to the author. I highlighted sentences, underlined funny remarks, circled unusual names and words. Annotating is leaving imprints of you. Writing in books means sharing some pieces of your thoughts and soul.

Normally, I highlight using my Stabilo in pastel green because it's not overwhelming to look at. Green because, duh, it's my favorite color. If I need to make some notes, I use a 0.5 mechanical pencil or 0.3 Pilot G-Tech since it's micro-fine. Notes are usually placed in margins.

I do reread books. I tried rereading one of the books that I made some notes in and I was so happy to see the annotations. They were actually helpful and made things easier for me when it comes to speed and keen comprehension. Felt like reading a journal or diary entry. In my opinion, marking a book can come in handy when you need to do a book review and you want it to be as detailed, as personal, and as comprehensive.

I want to add some pics but they are yet to be taken. Will try to make some updates asap.

Approximately 68 Weeks Ago

Some days we go out there and we better be armored.
Some words we hear are as sharp as a sword.
We get bruised by judgments and worse even wounded.
If we are too weak, we are taken down with a single blow of ridicule.

We call it a BATTLEFIELD, 
and it's not even a place.


Then there are times that we don't need to be tough.
It's totally okay to let your guard down.
There isn't a need for a shield because hugs won't hurt, 
The warmth you'll feel will not burn you.

And again it's not even a place.
We call it  HOME. 

Pluviophile

If it doesn't rain in heaven, then it's not heaven at all.

"Sunset in the ethereal waves:
I cannot tell if the day
is ending, or the world, or if
the secret of secrets is inside me again." - Anna Akhmatova

ANAGRAM

BAKIT
TIBAK
KABIT
BATIK
BITAK
AKTIB

PURSUIT

PURSUIT

Wislawa Szymborska

I know I’ll be greeted by silence, but still.

No uproar, no fanfare, no applause, but still.

No alarm bells, and nothing alarming.

I don’t expect even a shriveled leaf,

to say nothing of silver palaces and gardens,

venerable elders, righteous laws,

wisdom in crystal balls, but still.

I understand that I don’t walk the moon

in search of ladies’ rings and vanished ribbons.

They pick everything up in advance.

Nothing left to suggest that . . .

Trash, castoffs, peelings, scraps, crumbs,

chips, shavings, shards, bits, pieces.

Of course I only bend over a pebble

that bears no hint of where they’ve gone.

They don’t like leaving signs.

They’re peerless in the art of leaving traces.

I’ve known it for ages: the gift of vanishing just in time,

their divine ungraspability by horns or tail,

by the hem of a robe ballooning in flight.

A hair never falls from their heads that I might snatch.

They’re always one thought smarter,

one step ahead, I can never catch up,

they let me play at being first.

They aren’t there, they never were, but still.

I have to keep telling myself.,

don’t be a child, stop seeing things.

And whatever just hopped from underfoot

didn’t get far, it toppled over, trampled,

and though it stirs again

and emits a long-drawn muteness,

It’s a shadow—too much my own to point the way.

Reaction and Interpretation

At first, I assumed the poem was pertaining to pursuits in general. However, after rereading it several times, the title seemingly appeared to be falling under a particular category, which is the ‘unconventional’ category of pursuit or something (in line with career, life choices, activities) that is neutral in nature.

The character in the poem (I choose not to refer to Szymborska) may be referring to an ephemeral or long-term pursuit. Initially, readers might have assumed that the character was driven by impulse or just a pure act of rebellion and defiance, as suggested in the first stanza.

As mentioned, in the first stanza, he/she (the character) is strongly compelled by the desire to carry on despite unfavorable responses, lack of support, let alone encouragement. Here, the character sounds resilient.

The second stanza exhibits rebellion or insubordination, denying some authoritative intervention or of the ‘wise.’

Stanzas 3-5 show the journey, challenges, encounters during the pursuit. He/ She expresses dismay as he/ she fails to find hints and signs along the way thus losing directions.

In the sixth stanza, heightened emotions are evident. The pursuit becomes a race, a competition rather than a personal journey. The character also begins relying on other people for help, which he/she fails to get. Whatever his/ her position in the race, may it be ahead of others (grasping a horn) or behind (grasping a tail), the attempt is in vain.  

The next stanza shows self-pity. The character thinks he/ she is being manipulated, being taken advantage of. People outsmarting one another.

There is a sudden shift in Stanza 8 as he/ she reminds him/herself of the pursuit, shunning paranoia.

In the last stanza, the poem continues to thrive by revealing his/ her introspective character, from observing external factors to assessing oneself and maybe relying on his/ her own sense of direction.

THOUGHTS ON HARUKI MURAKAMI'S KILLING COMMENDATORE

This is in no way comprehensive but let's get started. 

The usual Murakami elements in the book are: historical events, phone calls, being somewhere else (a different dimension), moon, a young girl, pits, woods/ trees, an affair, sex, classical music, rain, vanishing, and scenes in the kitchen. 

Killing Commendatore didn't leave me with so many questions unlike most of his previous works. Most of my queries were answered and the ending was pretty much like an ending, if that makes sense. It ends positively, happily maybe. It wouldn't leave you saying "What?! What just happened?" 
Then the readers get to decide and interpret everything unwritten and concealed. 
But this one has a definite ending - not very common of a Murakami book but soothing and relieving. 

I like the idea that the main character/ narrator's name is not revealed and there is no need for that so it's okay. Coming up with Idea and Metaphor as characters was creative and successful. Highly impressive. 

The book has 2 parts, nearly 700 pages in all. Noticeably, the events and happenings were toned down and milder, comparatively, which makes it a safe first Murakami read for those who are actually planning to read his books. Not much of sex, not much of out-of-this-world experiences. It is more on following a life of an introspective, self-reflective painter. 

There was one chapter that was all about the parts of a mansion of one of the characters. One of the slow chapters but still bearable, especially if you are also after descriptive writing. 

One of my favorite parts is whenever the main character would prepare something to eat or drink in his kitchen. Picturing out a simple act of brewing of coffee is therapeutic. 

Final thoughts. The following are some of the things I can relate to while reading Killing Commendatore:

• The Path of Metaphor
• believing someone/ something actually exits
• Art
• your inner power when alone

I bought my hardbound copy for Php 1, 099. 

Enjoy reading, book lovers! ^^ 

On Khaled Hosseini and his books

Khaled Hosseini has always been one of my recommended authors. His works are not a pain to read (I mean the choice of words), though most of his themes and stories are quite heavy. He is an Afghan-American writer/ doctor who knows his roots. He knows what to show and hold back from his readers. There are a number of sensitive issues in his novels that he was able to euphemize without sacrificing the impression of cruel reality. 

I don't have a copy of Sea Prayer yet, his fourth book, but generally speaking, his works are about family, betrayal, love, sacrifice, and friendship. The Kite Runner captivated my heart and it is definitely unforgettable. Never have I read such a story before, pure and heartbreaking. I don't want to give you some spoilers because I want you to experience the journey yourself. Among his books (not including the last one), The Kite Runner takes the number 1 spot.  

The Kite Runner is a story of 2 boys and their friendship. According to the author, it is a father-son story but for me it was more on friendship between Amir and Hassan. Furthermore, it's a story of redemption amidst forces of ferocity. Reading this book is literally life-changing.